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Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.