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What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
TEIAM - problem solved
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
A party without Vodka is just a meeting.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
No. My hair magically got shorter.
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`