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Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.