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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Still waiting for a "Where are they now?" episode about the Flintstones
twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
I saw a fat lady with a "M.O.B." tattoo on her arm. I asked "money over B*tches?" She said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.