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On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Check this one out.........1
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`
I’m having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!