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Women are like bacon: They look good, They smell good, They taste good, And they will kill you slowly.
This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
Marriage counseling - because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they are being an a$$
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
To be clever can be difficult without caffiene.
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.