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Remember the good old days when making the βduck faceβ involved 2 Pringles?
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
Its that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year.
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
Iβd be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
I donβt appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
Iβm not crazy just the voices are!