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My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
Girls just wanna have funds.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
Sarcasm: because beating the sh!t out of people is illegal.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?