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We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
TEIAM - problem solved
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
“I need to stop,” I whispered as I clicked next episode.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinky head that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.