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If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
condoms prevent minivans
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat up; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.