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Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands