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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"