Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I`m pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
The filling in this fortune cookies tastes like paper...
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
It`s not cellulite, it`s my body`s way of saying "I`m sexy" ... in braille.
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
Every morning I swallow a piece of paper that says "Keep up the good work fellas!!" just in case I die and the doctors have to do an autopsy on me
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole