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ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
"If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best" literally translates to "I`m a loud, sloppy drunk."
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.
“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
Being single is the worst sh!t ever. Being in a relationship is a close second.
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.
Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.