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If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
I`m having an out of money experience.
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.