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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
It`s so hard to find obedient minions
9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, Iām going back to bed.
My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you`re not allowed to use them. Because nothing says class like useless towels.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
These bar stools are creaky!! [continues to fart on first date]
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.