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I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
I`m out of bacon. This is my suicide note.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out I’m not fat. I’m a panda.
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but this is just gardening facts.
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.