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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
Dear parents of college students on Spring Break, Congrats! Many of you are about to be grandparents!
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.