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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
I`ve just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.