Daily Silly Status

My girlfriend said we can`t hang out this weekend because she doesn`t really exist.

To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.

So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.

Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear

Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday

I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.

Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.

shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu

You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch

When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.

If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment

never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.

You can lead a horse to water but I`d rather ride it to the liquor store.

Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.

I`m the perfect man if you don`t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.