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I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?