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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
Well, one week smoke free, only 4 dead, 27 injured… not bad…
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation