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I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
Mondays should start at noon.
Oh you`re in the shower? Here`s the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
I don’t use Siri because I have to deal with enough women who have no personality and know everything.
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.