Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I’m going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!
I have no idea what swag is, but I`m fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers