Daily Silly Status

For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar

I like the parts of the day when food happens.

Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is

The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it

I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.

I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.

After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.

I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.

You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!

I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.

Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.

I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."

My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well