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You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
When a bird bangs into your window, do you wonder if God is playing angry birds
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
I just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"