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If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.