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Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I`m not used to consuming wine in pill form.
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."