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My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.