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You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
My alarm clock is clearly jelouse of my amazing relationship with my bed.
Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Wait… Regular or Asian?
Telling people your phone is gonna die, But you really just don’t want to text them.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...