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one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
I`m not saying your opinion is stupid, I`m just saying you`re stupid for having it
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
It’s getting harder and harder to find vodka-flavored vodka.
Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.
At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!