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I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
I`d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don`t wanna see you everyday.
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!