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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
Let me be honest, I dont even walk a mile in my own shoes.
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
They say you are what you eat. I don`t remember eating a sexy beast this morning...
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"