Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
Don`t run with scissors -- unless you`re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
Apparently Home Depot`s slogan of "You can do it; We can help" doesn`t apply to masturbation.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I`ve only got 40 pounds to go.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
The good thing about being 6' 6? is that if I develop a bald patch, no one will see it..Unless you’re using Google Earth.
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
If I owned a copy store I would only hire identical twins.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?