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So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
You can learn a lot about a woman by watching her load a gun.
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.