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Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"
I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you