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"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
Pretty much always 3-5 seconds away from just laying down wherever I am.
My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it`s cause I`m afraid she might try to poison me.
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn`t. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.