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It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.