Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
Friend: Hey that`s a great truck. what kinda engine? Me: [rubbing the hood] it`s got a truck engine
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her