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Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible.
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
My number was 0...