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Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
One day I`ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
I love how television has redefined the word `marathon` to the exact opposite of physical exercise
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.