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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter`s school concert.
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
There were only 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
Why has no one invented a button next to snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.