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My wife didn`t appreciate me pointing out that my alcoholism began around the time that we first started dating.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.