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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.
I always ask my waitress to name everything that comes in the salad then I respond “OK perfect, I want a cheeseburger with none of that on it.”