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I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time...
Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
Me on New Years Eve: “I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.”
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
I`m convinced girls only want one thing from guys... all of our hoodies. -Bfanch
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.