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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.