Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
Water is so good when it`s mixed with grains and yeast, fermented and then distilled and aged.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.