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A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
Ladies, how do I work my man boobs and get out of a ticket? Quick, she`s coming.
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
I wanted to book an Elvis impersonator for a party so I phoned them up and got a call centre. It said `press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.`
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.