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I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
Save time. See it my way.
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
I`m the guy at the gym laying face down on the treadmill telling everyone "I`m ok, I`m ok"
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
It`s my birthday. Iām not just a year older, Iām also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
Underachieving Sunday through Wednesday, overachieving Thursday through Saturday.
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?