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Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
"How much for the man cave?" "Sir that`s a doghouse." "Can you install cable?"
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
Fact: Turtles can breathe through their butts. And I thought I had bad morning breath.
Would an obsession with the imperial measurement system be considered a foot fetish?
Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.