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The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
96% of my life is spent trying to figure out when I can get my next nap in.
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
bored out of my mind in class i began staring into space... space happened to be right in front of me at the time...
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn`t really listening.
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.