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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
Kiss her in the middle of her sentence so you don`t have to hear what she`s talking about.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
The only charities I`ve donated money too recently are covered in glitter and dance to bad music.
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
This Facebook is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.