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My coworkers should be less concerned about my job performance and just be happy I remember to wear pants each day.
If you`re single and you know it hug your cat!
Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea I’m not the teacher.
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..