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It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
Hi, it’s me. I can’t get to the phone right now, even though it’s right here in my hand.
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist`s finger before she stops believing that you`re doing it accidentally.
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
Walmartians: Nothing says `FML` like these curious abominations of the shopping world.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?