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I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
If I ever post something on Social media sites that`s not funny or clever, That just means someone hacked my account, Just Saying!
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.