Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
I`ve got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)