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wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
You had me at, "we`ll make it look like an accident."
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
It`s time for all of us to admit the "endorphin rush" you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it`s over
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.
Being normal is boring.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever