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My idea of heaven consists of all of the things Iād go to hell for.
"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
Iām tired of things costing money.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people, "I walk 5 Miles every day"
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.