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Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend