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Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
It`s so frustrating when your hitman doesn`t answer the phone after you`ve made amends with someone
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.