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"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
You never know how little self control you have until they put chips and salsa in front of you at a Mexican restaurant.
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.
I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year!
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.