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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
Women`s magazines are so funny. 1: You`re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
There better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.