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My wife didn`t appreciate me pointing out that my alcoholism began around the time that we first started dating.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.
Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
Sometimes you run into people who just make your day more bearable. Those people are called bartenders.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.