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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.