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Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
Balloons think they’re so cool. I tried to tell one he was leaking and he just said, “Pfft.”
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
I can read Spanish, Chinese, Russian and Italian. As long as it`s written in english.
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
I can bench 250 lbs. And by that, I mean, I can sit myself down on a bench in a local park.
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
Peppermint schnapps might seem like a ridiculous drink, but nobody at work ever complains about my breath.
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.