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They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
My own personal hell sounds great, actually