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I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
All I heard was, " I swear it`ll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
High fiving was the original "like".
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
Christmas time always make me blue :-(( and then red, then green, then oh wow.. presents...
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
You don`t need to use your words if you`re carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.