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Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
The best things in life require no pants.
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.
"Because it would be hilarious,"... is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.