Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"