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is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
Sometimes all you need is $100,000
I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but this is just gardening facts.
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha Iām so sorry. No Iām not.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?