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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won`t ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
I like you as a friend. Well, more like as a friend of a friend.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.