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If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
Dating a woman in 5 easy steps: 1. Be attentive 2. Don`t be too attentive 3. Show interest 4. Don`t show too much interest 5. Seek therapy
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
I checked my calendar, and I won`t give a f*ck tomorrow either.
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"
My doctor told me to eat more bacon cheeseburgers. Well, what he technically said was to eat "less pizza", but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.