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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.