Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
never be afraid to wipe twice
If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Actually told a girl who`s moving to France soon that "there`s lots of French people over there". It`s a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...