Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The black sheep always have the best stories.
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
Funny how drinking 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers, and 6 shots, go down like a fat kid on a see-saw.
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.