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My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
Whenever someone says to me, "Oh, you look so familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Do you watch porn?"
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
2013 is the first year since 1987 to have 4 different numbers… carry on.
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
I forgot to post this earlier
How can you tell if someone went to the gym? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.