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President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
The naked truth is better, than d dressed-up lie :) Aa
I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything
The well behaved rarely make history.
If you aren`t sure if you like someone, here`s a test: imagine they`re dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.