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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
If the shoe fits, wear it. Unless they`re not yours. But you can still were them. It`s just a road test, after all.
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?