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I always laugh at myself. If I didn´t, everyone else would be having fun without me.
You never really know how many inches you`re gonna get or how long it`ll last. Snow, maybe.
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home.
I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
If I ever post something on Social media sites that`s not funny or clever, That just means someone hacked my account, Just Saying!
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.