Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
My therapist recommended I quit growling at people...
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards
Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.