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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
Worry: a waste of imagination.
See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain beard 3.) prisoner of war beard 4.) homeless person beard 5.) wizard beard
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
Zombies only eat brains. You’re safe.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.