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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?