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I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!