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Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn`t stop coloring till 2 o`clock this morning.
Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I`ll probably live forever.
Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
It`s like my kids don`t even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
Someday, I`ll live in my OWN basement!
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message like looking directly into the sun?
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.