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Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
The best time to re-examine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(: