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I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
have you ever noticed `lol` looks like a drowning person?
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors
Every so often you come across a person who always smiles no matter what, that person is the reason why random bitch slaps should be a thing