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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.
It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."