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i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
I have off-road rage, too
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
it`s friday o clock
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.