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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
thinking men should come with a carfax....
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
Iām a pervert, but in a romantic way.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when Iām done.