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Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
Not now, I`m busy bringing shame to my family on the internet.
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
Last time I saw jugs that big, 2 hillbillies were blowing on them.
If I were to quit my job today and become a psychic, I would advertise with a sign that reads, “Voted best psychic of 2016!"
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.