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I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
Just saw a guy with a Support Dyslexia bumper sticker on the front of his car.
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!