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Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.
Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up in the morning, my pillow was gone...
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
I`m an optimist. To me, the glass is always half alcohol.
"Holy sh!t, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
“Until death do us part,” means we will all be single in heaven, right?