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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin.
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.
When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
my husband of 10 years still goes mad when I use his toothbrush, if anyone knows a better way to get dog poo off shoes, im all ears
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.