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My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
I appreciate your help, but no thanks, I can f*ck up my life on my own.
Never judge a book by it`s movie.
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
Commence six months of the clock in my car being wrong.
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol at my house may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.