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You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
If I can`t convince you, I will sure as hell confuse you.
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
I was the hot single in my area the whole time.
Being normal is boring.
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.