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It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
I`m considering buying a racehorse and naming it, "My Face". Just so I can hear everyone in the stands scream "Come on, My face!!"...
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash.
Every Instagram caption should just be, "ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY LIFE YET??"
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
Iām pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
what happends when chemists pass away...We Barium.
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
God: Is there anything else you need Adam? Adam: yes I want a Sandwich! God: Ok let`s create eve.